Beyond Burnout: 5 Hidden Forces Making Brilliant Women Doctors Feel Like Theyβre Failing (Even When Theyβre Not)
If you’ve ever stared at your ceiling at 3 a.m. wondering, “How the heck am I so successful and still so fried?”—this one's for you.
Not because you’re broken. Not because you’re weak. And definitely not because you need another mindfulness app.
But because no one told you the truth about what’s actually driving that slow-burn ache behind your eyes.
So let’s talk about it.
Because the women I work with—smart, accomplished, heart-first doctors—aren’t falling apart because they can’t hack it.
They’re falling apart because they’ve been taught to disappear inside their excellence.
π§ The Real Burnout Isn’t Just Exhaustion—It’s Erasure
A 2020 article in the Canadian Journal of Ophthalmology dug deep into this—and whew. As the kids say, I felt seen… on behalf of every woman doctor I’ve ever coached.
It named what I’ve heard for years in whispered side comments and off-the-record vent sessions: this isn’t just “burnout.” It’s:
- Unhealthy perfectionism
- Pathological altruism (yes, that’s a real thing)
- Empathic distress
- Moral injury
- Imposter syndrome in a lab coat and heels
And it’s not just annoying. It’s dangerous.
Female physicians in North America die by suicide at rates 250% higher than women in the general population.
This isn’t about “resilience.” It’s about liberation.
Let’s talk about the five hidden forces that might be quietly stealing your joy—even if you love your patients, your field, and your life on paper.
π 1. The Perfectionism Plot Twist
You don’t just strive for excellence—you ARE the standard. And it’s always five feet higher than what anyone else would expect.
You catch everyone’s details and their dropped balls. You do all the invisible labor. You say yes when your whole body is begging you to say nope.
And when someone compliments you, your brain pulls up a 14-item checklist of the ways you could have done it better.
π¦Έ 2. Pathological Altruism: When Caring Becomes Self-Erasure
You didn’t eat lunch today. Again. You returned the portal message at 9:46 p.m. You picked up that extra patient, that extra shift, that extra everything—because you care.
But somewhere in all that caring, you got edited out of the story.
This is what happens when your empathy gets weaponized against you—by systems, colleagues, or your own identity as “the reliable one.”
π 3. Empathic Distress: The Kind No One Warned You About
You don’t just witness suffering. You absorb it.
You’re supposed to stay soft, connected, patient, calm. But no one trained you to metabolize grief. No one taught you what to do with the emotional wreckage that builds up after years of proximity to pain.
So you start to shut down. Not because you don’t care, but because you’ve run out of capacity to carry it.
π§ 4. Moral Injury: When Doing the Right Thing Hurts Anyway
You know what the patient needs. But the EMR, the insurer, the metrics, or the policy say no.
You try to be a good steward of resources. A good colleague. A good everything. But you feel the slow psychic bruising of being trapped between your values and your job description.
You didn’t sign up for this version of medicine. And it shows.
π 5. The Imposter Who Just. Won’t. Quit.
Despite the degrees, the board certs, the life-changing patient outcomes—you still hear that voice whispering, “Don’t mess this up.” “You don’t really belong.” “If they knew how close you are to unraveling...”
That’s not self-awareness. That’s battle fatigue.
Okay But... What Do You Do With All This?
You talk about it. Not in a backchannel group text. Out loud. With someone who gets it and knows how to help you dream differently.
Not to collapse. Not to vent. But to reclaim the truth that:
π₯ You’re allowed to want more for your life.
π₯ You’re allowed to need boundaries and joy.
π₯ You’re allowed to not have to earn rest with suffering.
And that’s why I offer the Dream Out Loud Call—a 30-minute conversation where we figure out which version of your next chapter is quietly tapping on your shoulder.
Because maybe you’re:
πΏ The Sacred Limits Doctor
You’re learning that saying no can be the most loving, revolutionary thing you do—for your patients and yourself.
β‘ The Healthcare Hacktivist
You’re ready to bend the system (and maybe your job description) to actually support the humans inside it—including you.
π― The Realistic Excellence MD
You’re done with over-functioning and ready to build a career that matches your brilliance without draining your soul.
π Ready to Talk?
Book your free Dream Out Loud Call. No pitch. No pressure. Just you, your truth, and a safe space to ask:
“What would it look like to actually feel like myself again?”
Because we don’t just need you practicing.
We need you whole. We need you well. We need you lit up.
Let’s begin.
